Hello Confidence, Are You in There?

Confidence is the result of being yourself and accepting who you are, wherever you’re at, for whoever you are. When you accept who you are, it then becomes much easier for others to see us, as we are. We are able to be seen without fear of judgment. If you ask me, practicing acceptance has helped me greatly in my life and my career. I discovered this when I became truly committed to my yoga practice 8 years ago. Through yoga, I looked at why we judge, why we resist acceptance, what my soul purpose on this planet is and how we walk through this world, as spirits living a human experience. When we see things and ourselves for what they are without judgment, we hold the power to change. We cannot change when we are judging, because judging blinds us from root causes. But how do we get there? How do we get to a place of acceptance, confidence, non-judgment within ourselves…and more importantly, how did we get lost in the first place?

When we are kids, we are pretty damn fearless. We will say, wear, do, and think, whatever we want. Kids create, they imagine, they play, fearlessly. But what happens in between the time a little girl volunteers to be the line leader in kindergarten class, plays with the boys, and wears her overalls even though they have a tear in them, and 20 years later, when that same little girl is at work, afraid to take a seat at the table, frantically checking to see if she got a text back from the guy she went on a date with, and taking a look at every reflection that she passes by to make sure her hair isn’t frizzing. As we begin to develop our organs of perception and develop the self-awareness to notice how others see us, we end up focusing more on what people think of us than the relationship with ourselves. When we feel the judgment of others, the growth of our confidence is stunted. We begin to judge and second guess ourselves. I remember being told as a young girl that the kids in my class didn’t like my hair clips, and here I am, 20 something years later, and I still remember that. I was proud to wear the hair clips until someone didn’t like them. At the time, I didn’t have the confidence to wear them even if I was the only person who liked them, because I didn’t feel accepted. It wasn’t socially acceptable for me to like them, because no one else did. So now, when we think about that one small incident that made such a lasting impact, imagine how many people have experienced situations like that, over and over again around the globe. The result- we anticipate judgment of others, and we lack confidence and acceptance of ourselves. When you learn to accept yourself, it is much easier to surpass judgement on others. Because we realize once we accept ourselves that we were all once that little girl in the kindergarten class with the ugly hair clips.

So you may be thinking — how do you change? How do you release the fear of being judged? How do you build your inner bad bitch? Your inner warrior — the confidence to be yourself, with friends, at home and at work, and most of all, accept yourself and those around you.

But how?? How do I do this? How do I become even 1% more confident?

It starts with knowing yourself. Because I guarantee, you think you know yourself but you don’t. Do you know what foods make you feel good, do you know what friends make you feel bad, do you know your strengths and weaknesses are? Do you know what drives you? Your values? It is like that expression, “To know them is to love them” Well, you have to know what’s going on inside to find that love and acceptance for yourself. The journey to confidence and acceptance starts with getting to know all parts of yourself. Build up the awareness and start to notice — how ARE you feeling? When do you feel most confident, or least? Spend the time with yourself, and don’t be afraid to question everything, but promise me you will do it without judging yourself. You have to release the judgment you have for yourself as you start this journey. I highly recommend the Yamas and Niyamas book by Deborah Adele to start this process of self discovery.

When you get to develop a true relationship within and you get to know yourself on all levels, you may realize that there are some things that you love about yourself, and some things that you just don’t. Are you following me here? What we have been illuding to — acceptance. This is where acceptance comes in. You must surrender to this moment and know that you are enough, and perfect with all that you are. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t make changes or improvements to some of those things you don’t like, but you need to accept and surrender to yourself as-is, right now, in this moment. Accept all for what it is. Yoga helps us all trust “life” a little bit better. Have some of that trust in yourself, that you are enough.

When you know yourself, and you have come to peace with yourself as you are, this is where we begin to build that confidence. If you can accept you as you are, others opinions don’t matter. When others opinions don’t matter, we can’t be hurt by judgment. When we release the fear of judgement, we then are able to feel confident. And now, we take action.

Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Self Awareness. Acceptance of self and community. Take action to build confidence.

When you think of a “confident person” what are some of the traits they have? What makes them someone confident? Let’s name a few things, eye contact, clear and articulate language, well dressed, friendly, outgoing, not afraid to speak there mind — what connects all of those? They are aware of each of these actions, and they accept it for how it is. When that person speaks out in a meeting, they know their idea could be laughed at, but they share it anyway. Becuase they are 1. AWARE of their knowledge, they know that their idea is valid. 2. They ACCEPT the possible outcome that the idea may not be well received, but they know that what they said is valid and no one is a place to tell them its not. 3. They took ACTION. They said it anyway, without fear. Because the foundation within was solid. They know themselves and they accept without fear. Stormy winds can’t bring down a mountain that is grounded deep in its roots. Find your roots, and channel that confidence. Do something with your new found awareness and acceptance that makes YOU proud, no one else, just you. One step forward marks the beginning.

Now, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about tying this all back to yoga. Through yoga and its teachings, (breath, postures, mindfulness) we are able to accelerate our journey to confidence. In yoga, our breath and mindfulness helps us get to know our body and minds better, and the postures help us learn to accept where we are at on the mat, and build the courage and confidence to get out of our comfort zone. Yoga teaches us that we are enough as-is, and it brings us back to the soul that existed before we started worrying about how we are seen by the outside world.

I encourage you to explore yoga and the journey to yourself if you struggle with confidence, because confidence is something that can be easily built with the right tools and mindset. You are enough. You are confident. You are a divine being, all that you are.

“Yoga is the journey of the self, to the self, through the self”

Now is the time to channel the confidence you have been looking for. And you will find it, within.